I smell stomach acid.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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