Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
