So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
