We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
