He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
