You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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