so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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