I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
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the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
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Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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