I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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