Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
