I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
