Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
