dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
