do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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