i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
