Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
