dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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