Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I think my vagina is haunted
we made out on top of his cat.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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