He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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