in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
and you fell through a lawn chair
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