Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize