At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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