I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
