dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
