No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
