i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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