I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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