If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
