We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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