At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
