i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
