Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
