do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
