Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
if only i could text you this smell
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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