Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
