I can tuck mytits in my pants
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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