Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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