I CAN MOONWALK!
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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