i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
