lets start a swedish sibling band together
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
