Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
