you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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