I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Drunk is a universal language darling
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
