i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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