im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
