perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
