just come out here and I will go home with you...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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