ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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