And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
