pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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