as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
