theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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