There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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