Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Randomize
