I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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