I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
