I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
