Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
