and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
