Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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