What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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