I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
