I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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