I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
