did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
should my penis look like a turkey
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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