So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
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