I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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