i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I didn't notice because vodka
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
