i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
