Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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