I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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