This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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