You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
