i barfeds in our rink
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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