I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
