Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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