Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
